All of us who aren’t oblivious – or too young or old to care – have opinions about current events and the issues that are in the news every day. Most of us who belong to social networking groups have yielded, on occasion, to the temptation to post a link to a news story about a political issue or personality, to make a comment in a status message about our approval or disapproval of a proposed piece of legislation or a candidate for office, or at the very least, to click the “Like” button when someone else, braver (or more reckless) than we are, posts such a political statement. Some of us have gotten into political arguments with friends of friends, people we don’t know at all and would never have interacted with otherwise, through the magic of the friend feed.
And that’s okay. Politics is a part of our lives and for many, it’s an important part. Our beliefs are part of who we are – but (for all but the obsessed) it’s only a part. And it’s important to remember that, especially in an environment that’s as diverse, dynamic and potentially volatile as a social network. This is a “place” where we often mix co-workers (and bosses), clients/customers, family members, old college buddies and miscellaneous people we know or who know us (or think they want to). My social network includes my most intimate and longstanding of relationships, such as my spouse and children and the aunt who remembers when I was in diapers, along with professional colleagues from both IT and law enforcement, and a healthy dose of fellow writers in all genres. It also includes some of my neighbors and local government representatives,a sprinkling of “fans” whom I don’t know but who faithfully follow my career and comprise the audience for the books, articles and blog posts I write, and a few folks who barely know me but whom I admire and am honored to have on my friends list.
Some of these relationships, such as those with the people I’ve worked with to try to make our city better, have politics as their very foundation (or at least started that way). Some, such as those with people I met on writing lists or photography forums or those I work with on tech projects, are based on mutual interests that have nothing to do with politics. There are folks I’ve known online for years and gotten along with famously, and then learned by happenstance that they absolutely loath anyone who would vote for the party I usually support (oops; I guess that’s me). There are others with whom I’ve tip-toed around all political issues, assuming for whatever reason that they belonged to the opposite camp, and then discovered to my delight that they had been doing the same with me and that our political beliefs were almost identical.
Politics doesn’t just make strange bedfellows; it also makes for strange behavior. They say politics and religion are two of the discussion topics that can destroy a friendship, and for some people, their political stance is their religion. I enjoy a good political debate now and then among friends – when I can be sure I’m with someone who won’t take it personally or make it personal. But occasionally I encounter someone who purports to be my friend but takes every opportunity to make disparaging comments about everything that I believe in, and every subtle or not-so-subtle attempt to respectfully disagree or even to change the subject fails to get the message across that I don’t appreciate having my opinions and beliefs trashed. I am not talking about the occasional exuberant post when your candidate wins or your bill passes. I’m not talking about honest explorations of hot-topic issues with the goal of understanding how those who are different from you formed their opinions. I’m talking about a constant barrage of negativity about the other side. I’m talking about when politics is all you can talk about. Hey, that gets old even when I agree with your politics. And I’m talking about taking your politics to a personal level.
You’re probably wondering what inspired this little tirade on this particular day, so I’ll tell you. And I’m sorry if I embarrass someone (though I’m not about to name names) but I consider the behavior completely unacceptable, especially in a semi-public “place” like my Facebook page. Last night my husband and son took me out for a delightful belated birthday dinner. We had a wonderful time. And I posted about it in my status update. This morning, I got up to find a comment from a “friend” – lecturing me about my choice of entree. Informing me that it “wasn’t a good choice if you care about the species” and including a link to some environmentalist propaganda to educate me about the error of my ways.
I don’t want to get into the whole eco thing with those reading this. Whether or not you believe in all the tenets of the conservationists (as for me, some I do and some I don’t) isn’t the point. The point is that this was posted on my status update, which is visible to everyone on my friends’ list. It’s like walking up to someone at a dinner party and, in front of everyone she knows, chiding her for what’s on her plate. It’s not the same as taking one aside and making your pitch on behalf of the poor fish in private (which can be done on Facebook via the private message function). It’s not the same as whether or not the bass are being overfished and whether legislation should be passed to protect them. It didn’t do a thing to save the fish I had already eaten. It’s just rude. It’s also counter-productive because it doesn’t win people over to your cause; it makes them resistant to it. Remember the old admonition: “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.”
I realize, though, that there’s another reason this particular comment rubbed me the wrong way. This is a “friend” who has never posted anything on my wall, since sending me a friend request some months ago. I have some other friends who occasionally lecture me on politics but I just shrug it off. Why? Because those people really are my friends. Those are people who wished me a happy birthday on Thursday, who sent me condolences a couple of weeks ago when I posted about two deaths in the family, who sent supportive messages when I posted about Tom’s plane being “lost in the ether,” who click the “like” button when I post photos of my cats or my latest remodeling project. They’re involved in my life, so they’ve earned the right to tell me when they don’t like something I said or did. They don’t stay silent for months and then pop up only to lecture me and try to make me feel bad about what I had for dinner and turn my happy, celebratory mood sour. Their politics may be different from mine, and they may sometimes let me know it, but they don’t throw it in my face.
So go ahead and post about politics if something comes up that’s so compelling you feel it’s important to let others know where you stand. I’m not asking you to do otherwise. Just realize that if you want to be someone’s friend, that involves a bit more than just swooping in to criticize when you see that person do something that isn’t politically correct.
